I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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