i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
