dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
