I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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