he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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