You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
