There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
