I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
