so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
