The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
