If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
