Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
