I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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