I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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