i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
