where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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