Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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