So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She said her name was "party"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize