Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
