I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
