I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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