i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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