Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize