she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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