Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
