My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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