So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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