but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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