I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
