I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
