Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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