I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
