1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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