do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
