I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
