my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
