absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
