i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
