No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
accomplished twins. life is a go
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
