he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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