Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
