Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
