one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
