Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
