she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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