Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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