Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
