obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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