were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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