you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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