Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
