Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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