Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
