If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
