pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
