you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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