Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Green mimosas i think yes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
