now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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