I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
