dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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