i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
