I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
