So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stole a fireplace last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
