Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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