There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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