If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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