I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
