i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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