Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
