Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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