Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
