At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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