Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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