I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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