The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
