when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
40s are totally the cure
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
